If mockery is the finest form of flattery, then city and county officials must really like Los Angeles City Councilman Tom LaBonge, who was the honoree at the American Diabetes Association’s 16th annual Political Roast last Thursday.

Los Angeles City Councilman Tom LaBonge sits in a director’s chair in front of the lesser-known LaBonge Land Sign. (photo by Aaron Blevins)

LaBonge took the stage at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills to be teased, taunted, mocked and ridiculed by elected officials — all in the name of charity. Approximately 900 people attended the event, and more than $500,000 was raised for diabetes research.

To honor LaBonge’s ever-present interest in where people attended high school, speakers introduced themselves by their alma mater and their school mascot. Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky, a Fairfax High School grad, was the event’s master of ceremonies.

“There are more people in this room tonight than actually voted in the previous election,” Councilman Mitch Englander said before introducing Yaroslavsky, who he ridiculed for not having the guts to run for mayor.

Englander said Yaroslavsky is the “worst-dressed politican west of the Mississippi,” and that the supervisor had to take off his ankle bracelet to attend the event. He also took shots at Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa.

“Thank you for visiting Los Angeles, mayor,” he said. “We’re really glad to have you in town.”

In his opening remarks, Yaroslavsky cleared the air on a question that he had been asked repeatedly for the last few months.

“I am not running for mayor,” he said. “I’m thinking about it, but as of this moment, I’m not running. But now that the papacy has been filled, I might change my mind by the time the evening is over.”

Mayoral candidates Wendy Greuel and Eric Garcetti served as the roasters during the event, and therefore, their campaigns and opponents were also fair game.

“Everyone knew that when Eric and Wendy entered the race, they would be in the run-off — everyone that is except for Jan Perry,” Yaroslavsky said. “I just read what I was given. You should see the [stuff] I cut out of here. Both Wendy and Eric will be forever indebted to me for what I cut out of here.”

He said LaBonge has been described as a “cheerleader on Red Bull,” and referenced the councilman’s insistence on doling out pumpkin bread to honorees at any event he attends.

“Tom, wherever you are, since I am a lame duck and have no [guts], I can be brutally honest with you: No one gives a damn where everyone went to high school, and the bread, well it sucks,” Yaroslavsky said.

He said LaBonge is known for many things, such as adjourning council meetings in memory of anyone who has ever passed away.

“Last week, he adjourned in memory of three walking zombies who were killed in Sunday’s ‘Walking Dead’ episode,” Yaroslavsky said.

City Councilman Joe Buscaino, the city’s newest councilman, said he’s learned a lot from LaBonge, and that the veteran councilman has some “fantastic” motions, such as his proposal to sell the Hollywood Sign for $215 million to fix the city’s budget crisis. In a videotaped segment, Buscaino went to Hollywood to gauge constituent interest in the proposal.

“Tom, you can’t do this,” one interviewee said. “[The Hollywood Sign] is this town. …You can’t do that. You can’t sell!”

Buscaino also asked a group of tour bus riders if they were heading to LaBonge’s house.

“Who’s Tom LaBonge?” one asked.

Buscaino then presented LaBonge with a petition to save the Hollywood Sign that had more than 10,000 signatures — allegedly.

“Thank you, Joe. That’s why they give Academy Awards for sound editing,” Yaroslavsky said.

City administrative officer Miguel Santana presented a letter written by Villaraigosa that began, “Dear Madam Mayor.” The letter contained three secrets about the city’s top elected office: In the mayor’s second term, he or she receives a free trip to a top-secret destination anywhere around the world; no matter who wins, Matt Szabo comes with the job; and there is a little black book — “no, not that little black book” — in the mayor’s desk for writing legacy-defining ideas.

Villaraigosa, who lives in the Fourth District and is actually represented by LaBonge on the council, said many people have asked him what he’s going to do on July 1. He said he was bummed to learn that ABC had already chosen its next “Bachelor”.

“I would have been so perfect for that show,” Villaraigosa said. “But I could always check out ‘Survivor’. I know there are plenty of people in this town that would love to see me stranded on a desert island.”

He said he’s also commonly asked who he supports in the mayor’s race.

“C’mon, I’m a third-generation Angeleno. I’m not voting,” Villaraigosa said. “Hell, I’m not even registered to vote.”

As for LaBonge, the mayor said he has an impressive memory, and is somewhat like “Rainman”.

“But ask Tom what he’s voting on and it’s like, ‘Dude, where’s my car’. But then again, what city councilmember really knows what they’re voting for,” Villaraigosa said. “Isn’t that what you lobbyists are for? …Hey, I’m on the way out, baby. I wouldn’t have said that in my first year.”

He said LaBonge reminds him of a drunk uncle on Thanksgiving who won’t stop talking. Villaraigosa also commented on LaBonge’s insistence on taking people to Getty House during bike rides.

“My neighbors wonder why I had a fence installed,” he said, adding that it was tough to see LaBonge in Spandex on a bike. “My eyes still hurt.”

At the beginning of the event, organizers showed a “debate” between Greuel and Garcetti. Using video from past debates and new questions from KTLA’s Chris Schauble, the debate tackled tough issues, such as traffic congestion, drug use in city hall, inter-department communications, the mayoral salary, the porn industry and condom inspections. Greuel was “asked” about her recent sex life.

“That was a bumpy road and a messy process, and I would have done some things differently,” she said. “But I do think that it also outlines many challenges going forward. I would actually do it when I get elected on May 21st.”

The roasters used their time to ridicule LaBonge, other elected officials and most importantly, their opponents and themselves.

“Seriously, it’s an honor to share the stage with so many dedicated public servants — and Eric Garcetti,” Greuel said.

She said LaBonge has left his mark on Los Angeles, but he is one loud sports coat away from being a game show host.

“Tom LaBonge is the Tommy Lasorda of politics — a man who has never missed a meal or a microphone,” Greuel added.

Garcetti referenced Greuel’s close ties to the Los Angeles Department of Water & Power.

“I’m happy to be here in Beverly Hills, because, you see, Beverly Hills has a different water and power company, so my mic hasn’t been cut off,” he said. “Recently in L.A., whenever I start speaking, the lights and the power just turn off. It’s weird.”

Garcetti said LaBonge is like the David Hasselhoff of politics: They both love being on television, and are much bigger in Germany.

“Tom is a great world traveler,” he said. “He has five brothers, but he wants even more Sister Cities. And he’s truly multi-lingual. I mean, he is completely incomprehensible in Korean, Tagalog and English. Of course, I speak all of those languages fluently because I am Korean and Filipino.”

LaBonge, who was said to have a big heart by several speakers, took the high road during his turn to retort. Instead of insulting anybody, he praised the American Diabetes Association and told stories — during one, he stopped midway and said, “too long of a story.”

The councilman, who was escorted to the stage by cheerleaders from Marshall High School, his alma mater, asked his former football teammate and Hall of Fame NFL player Michael Haynes to join him on the stage.

“I want to show you we can still do it,” LaBonge said, adding from a three-point stance, “this is not a prostate exam.”

At the end of his speech, he unsuccessfully tried to get the audience to join him in singing Elvis Presley’s “Love Me Tender”.

As Yaroslavsky said, the event allows “elected officials [to] make fun of each other and not take each other so damn seriously,” but it also serves as a reminder of the 26 million Americans who suffer from diabetes.

Several speakers had either been diagnosed with diabetes or had immediate family members who had been diagnosed. The audience heard from Abby Erickson, a 10-year-old girl who has diabetes and has raised $40,000 through the American Diabetes Association’s Tour de Cure.

“I hope to grow up in a world where there is no diabetes,” she said. “The only way to do that is to find a cure.”

For information, visit www.diabetes.org.