“Not a fraction of a score, but six days ago, our Hollywood fathers brought forth on this continent a more undead tale of our new nation, conceived in the midst of vampire decapitations, and dedicated to the proposition that all men, living and not so living, are created equal, despite what some racist, plantation-owning neck-munchers might believe…”

“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” explores the secret life of one of the country’s greatest presidents. (photo by Stephen Vaughan/courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation)

That’s how the Gettysburg Address might’ve gone if the full story was ever ungraved, according to “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. With a concept as ludicrous as, say, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” (another work by author and screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith), it’s easy to write off the whole affair, but don’t be so hasty. With director Timur Bekmambetov (who is responsible for the Moscow-based “Night Watch” films and the American actioner, “Wanted”) at the helm, and producer Tim Burton for support, this one sets a new standard for what a B movie can be.

“Vampire Hunter” chronicles the untold story of just how close the United States of America came to destruction. The human war between the Union and the Confederacy is but the surface of a plan by a maniacal child of Judas, Adam (Rufus Sewell), who seeks a vampire nation for his pale-faced kin. But young Abe cares little about the politics of the cursed at the start of our odd little bio-pic; he just wants revenge on the creature that killed his mother. But his love of the law and desire for equality leads to a double life: politician by day, thanks to the moral fortitude instilled in him by his mother, and amateur hunter by night, thanks to the lethal training of fellow fang-hater, Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper).

As an aged Honest Abe (Benjamin Walker) says, “History prefers legends to men…History remembers the battle, but forgets the blood.”

“Abe Lincoln” gets the “300” treatment as the man transcends the pages of history, becoming an immortal legend (please, don’t mistake historic “immortal” with “vampire immortal”). In oh-so-many ways, one of the nation’s greatest presidents becomes a superhero complete with an alter ego (vampire hunter), a special weapon (an axe with a silver tip) and super powers that stem from truth (you’ll just have to see the film to understand this last one). In many ways, this one’s more outrageous than any exploit by Spidey or Batman, but it’s hard not to at least laugh and enjoy.

Before you think I’m completely nonsensical for recommending such an over-the-top endeavor, I must admit the film is not without its flaws. To begin with, it misses several golden opportunities to stretch the mash-up concept even further. Why not let Mrs. Lincoln (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) take up an axe alongside her husband. Or spend a little more time at the beginning explaining how Abe can actually chop through a tree in less than 10 swings of his trusty metal-tipped companion (no, it’s not a cherry tree, shame on you for confusing the president on the $1 bill with the president on the $5 bill). Like many disjointed bio-pics, we move from childhood to the end of his life with little semblance of cohesion. And as for the primary issues at hand — vampires, racism, politics, etc. — they’re handled with the depth and grace of a wrecking ball attack on all fronts. Sure, President Lincoln states that words are more effective than the sword, but he apparently feels the axe is an exception.

I feel it wise to address at this juncture the potential counterpoint: that I’m over analyzing a film in which the 16th U.S. president fights a vampire in the middle of a herd of wild stallions, jumping from horseback to horseback in pursuit of his foe. To you, I can only say that it desires a serious eye. Novelist Graham-Smith, who wrote the book and screenplay, is on record claiming he took great pains to align his vampire-Abe saga with American history (not to mention his bestselling take on Jane Austin’s “Pride and Prejudice” is far from mere satire: it’s actually quite well done), hence it only seems fair to hold him to a higher standard. The film doesn’t wish to end up on the midnight lineup of the SyFy channel, but merges the absurd with the sincere much like any spandex-clad superhero film does.

“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” proves to be an imperfect experiment, but it’s enjoyable to see director Bekmambetov continue the off-the-wall stylization he near-perfected in “Wanted”, when he made us believe a chosen few assassins actually could throw Newton to the wind and curve a bullet. Trust me, an axe, like curving bullets, will never be this cool again.